I was always thinking about writing a book, find of like that book called "Found". One about "The Untold Stories of Men". I want to put my story in and other stories than men don't want to talk about. I could have people write to me and not have their names on the stories. that way everyone can share their stories. Wait theres a website called postcards and they do that. Maybe my idea is not so great.

My one year wedding anniversary is coming up in 2 days, it's funny I've never known anyone that I thought could ever love me enough to marry me let alone be with me for this long. We had a party last week and because we had a wedding with only our parents, we invited all friends and family and they made it as much like a wedding as they could. It was a little weird because I thought everyone knew we didn't want a big wedding but apparently we didn't have a choice. My wife seemed to enjoy it so I guess it worked out. It was a lot of work, and my mom and I got in a fight because she is so controlling and I got tired of it.
We got into a fight last night over really stupid stuff, I said something and it came out wrong and then she took it the wrong way. She thought I told her that if another woman came along that I would leave her, or something like that. We started yelling and then it turned in to a fist fight, which I started this time. Sometimes she starts them but sometimes I do. If she starts them she can kick my ass, which of course makes me feel even worse. My wife's dad taught her how to fight so I don't stand a chance. But when I start them she is never to the point were she wants to hurt me so she doesn't fight back and then I end up hurting her and I feel even worse than if she would just hurt hurt me.
I also tried of working such a crappy job that is not on a set schedule so much. My wife starts a new job at the need of the month. Hopefully I will still see her as much, I hope my schedule doesn't change again. I love my wife and she is the only thing holding me together, don't think I could take it if we ended up having opposite schedules again, I don't think she could make it either.

Surprisingly calm

Current Mood: calm

I'm writing this here because I need to tell someone my story. I don't feel comfortable telling anyone I know, because of what they would think of me. Please leave a comment, you don't even have to say any thing. I just want to know that someone has heard me, so I don't have to feel so alone and misunderstood.

I went over to this guys house named Stuart. I didn't know him very well but I had some friends that did. I was going there to meet all of them and then hang out. When I got to his house he said that everyone ended up canceling but asked if I wanted to stay and hang out anyways. I went in and there was another guy there named Mark, I had met him twice before. He was playing a video game and I sat on the couch and watched him play. We talked for a long time about the game and just other random stuff.

Some how we got on to the subject of guys that Mark thought were cute, at this time I didn't know he was gay. He listed me as one of them and also Stuart. This made me feel uncomfortable because I'm not gay, I figured it also made Stuart uncomfortable as well because he was not gay, as far I as knew he had a girlfriend. Then Mark and Stuart told me how they had been experimenting with each other and that they wanted to experiment with a different guy. I told them I was flattered but I was not gay, and that I'm not the experimenting type. They both continued, they said how I was the hottest guy they knew and they both really wanted to have sex with me. I told them that I needed to leave.

I grabbed my coat and headed to the door, then Stuart stepped in my way and said "You should really stay". I told him once again I was flattered but I was too uncomfortable and wanted to leave. All of the sudden Stuart pulled a gun out of the back of his pants from under his shirt, and pointed it at me. He said again "you should stay", I took a step back and bumped into Mark. Mark grabbed my arm and pushed it high on my back and then dragged me over by the wall. I started to fight back and tell them to stop and Stuart pointed the gun at me again and told me to stop moving. Mark took off my coat and started unbuttoning my shirt, I pushed his hands away and he punched me in the stomach. I fell to the ground and he picked me up by the collar of my shirt and took it off, Stuart then took off my pants. After they had gotten me completely undressed they told me to stay against the wall, they started under dressing at that point. I moved slowly away from the wall and toward my clothes, then Mark saw me and punched me in the stomach again.

After they had finished undressing, Mark started hitting me over and over again. Mark told Stuart that if they beat me up a little I wouldn't move again, shortly after Stuart joined in. Then Stuart picked me up off the ground and had me stand against the wall again. They started touching my chest and stomach, I looked away and then closed my eyes while clinching my fists. I opened my eyes again when Stuart started touching my penis, I didn't move for a while, then I hunched over and tried to get him off me. They both pushed me back up and started again, I tried it one more time. Mark grabbed me and threw me to the ground and they started beating me again. I had never been hit like that before and I didn't know what to do or how to take a hit.I saw Mark grab some scissors and then Stuart put a plastic bag over my head. I felt the tips of the scissor running across my skin, not cutting me but It was scary. It started to get hard to breathe, I remember taking a foot to the back of my head and being dazed for a while. While I was dazed I wasn't really sure what was going on, I think the same thing was happening as before. Then they finally took the bag off my head, and I could breathe again.

Mark tried to kiss me, I kept my mouth closed but didn't move away. At one point Stuart told me give him head, I closed my mouth tight and shock my head no. He placed the gun on the top of my head and said it again, I started giving him head but had to stop a lot, I couldn't breath out my nose and I have a very sensitive gag reflex. Stuart got frustrated with me and pushed me off of him, then Mark picked me up by my arms and forced me to bend over a table the was next to us against the wall. I started yelling and fighting, then I felt one of them press the gun to my temple and I stopped moving. they put lubricant on me and I told them to stop and that I didn't want this, he pressed the gun down harder and once again I stopped moving.

Mark pulled my arms out from under me and leaned on my back, Stuart came up behind me. I put my hands over my face and cried as Stuart had sex with me. It felt like forever. Once he finished and they both moved away from me I stood up and turned around, as I did Mark put the gun up to my mouth and told me to bend back over, I did. He started to have sex with me and I started crying harder, he pulled my hair so I was looking up and whispered in my ear, "stop being I fucking cry baby and just be my bitch". At one point Stuart told Mark to stop because the table was cutting into my hips and they were bleeding. He put a pillow between the table and my hips to stop it from cutting me, this confused me.

After Mark finished they told me I could get dressed and they were laughing and joking as I was putting my clothes on. Stuart tried to kiss me and I attempted the same thing I did when Mark kissed me but Stuart put the gun on my side and told me to kiss him. I did. After I was dressed they said I could leave but told me that if I told anyone that everyone I told would think I was gross and weird. They also said that everyone would treat me different and my family would not want to be seen with me. I half way believe them.